You've got a fast car, i want a ticket to anywhere..

"you got a fast car, i want a ticket to anywhere. Maybe we can make a deal, Maybe together we can get somewhere. Any place is better, startin' from 0, got nothing to loose. Maybe we'll make something, me myself i got nothing to prove." So if i'm willing to run away from my life here and be your bonnie, are you willing to be my Clyde , and take me anywhere?? Because "We've gotta make a decision, leave tonight, or live and die this way." Basically what I'm saying to you is
"So remember when we were drivin' in your car, speeds so fast i felt like i was drunk. city lights came out before us, and your arm felt nice wrapped round my shoulders. and i... had a feelin that i belong. i had a feelin' i could be someone, be someone..." that's all anyone can really want from life, now isn't it? When we're young we all talk about getting out of town, but what if there was no possible way? make one you say? What if you felt so stuck to your past, that you unwillingly make it your now future. then your screwed? yeah thats what i thought.. I drove past his house the other day, i don't even know why. Did i think he was going to be sitting there waiting for me to drive past? and then he was going to run out to my car, renounce his love for me, tell me he would change. And what exactly would i have done if he had? gone inside with him? been stuck to him again? i don't think so, but being alone is so damn lonely. I want to have FUN! for once, with someone, someone of the opposite sex. Someone who could actually appreciate what i do. When i clean the clothes, when i cook the dinners, when i clean the house. Someone to maybe make me feel special for once. I'm so sick of feeling worthless, and shitty about myself. I had someone in mind, but i haven't talked to them in a few days. even when i talk to them, i don't feel like their really there. Listening to me, wanting me as much as i thought i wanted them. They never call, i haven't seen them in geeze quite a while. and to tell the truth, i want them here, i think about it everyday. How that will be the one great day of the year. When he comes here and we go out and have a crazy wild time, come home and have sex (Because lord knows i NEED it!). and then we kiss good bye, and he goes away again. Not that i want him to, but thats what he will have to do. even one day, where i feel special is better than none.
So i'm writing this story, about me, and my life. I'm so stuck, i remember what happened some what but i just cant get it done in detail. And how do i talk about other people? like a really feel? what if it hurts their feelings? true its my opinion and its my book, but i don't want anyone to get hurt. Of course it would be unintentional, i wouldn't be cruel on purpose, like others.
I had my first nervous break down, since mark, last night. I was driving and all of sudden it just hit me. I was all upset, hurrying home, But why??? I didn't have anyone at home to talk to about it, i was on my own. I have no one, i guess having mark may have been better than being alone. I cant even believe that i just thought that. So i started to cry, as i was driving. And of course a cop pulls up behind me. I thought great, just when I'm feeling shitty there is some thing else to make me feel worse. But he ended up not pulling me over, so that was good. I just felt so overwhelmed, my life is a bunch of crap.
I've been helping Sarah find a wedding dress, 3 days it took us. But we finally found one. My back was killing me so much from helping her. And then after we found one, she had promised to go with me to this store (U-Top). Because well I'm a chicken shit, god forbid i actually do something alone. Anyway so when she was driving me back i said, hey we forgot we were going to go to U-top. "Oh well, i gotta get home" which she didn't really have to do. It just kinda hurt my feelings. I spent three days with her, doing what she wanted, and i asked her for one thing, that would have taken 5 minutes. And she couldn't do it. So i had 10 minutes til close to get there, i made it, and I PIERCED MY NOSE AGAIN. :) yay! I'm glad, but i don't think the guy that did it was licensed to do piercing's. but i guess it was hella better than doing it myself. Last time it took my 5 days to pierce it myself. Oh and i wasn't being selfish, Sarah has 3 weeks until she gets married AT THE COURT HOUSE. so the dress wasn't something that HAD to be done THAT DAY. it could have waited. but i know she was excited and i would be too. That's why i helped her with it. Its just typical Sarah behavior. Selfishness. Anyway that's about it for news from me. Leave a comment, don't.. whatever...



This picture came out really crappy, it didnt look that bad when i took it...

Tornado's new Ally

Springfield's recently been quite the popular place for tornado's to hit. A few weeks ago we had at least 4 tornado's in one evening, we've got some pretty bad damage in some sections. Although most of which has just recently been fixed. And then the following week from that we had a blizzard, which delayed repairs. Well this evening we had a few more tornado's, i'm going to get some good pictures on here as soon as possible. Second to report is my grandmothers one year anniversary in heaven, which is also my new Second cousins birthday. Thats right he was born the same night, so congrats go out to my cousin Jeremy, his new wife Mila, and their new beautiful baby girl Avery Sistine Beck. Congradulations Jeremy on being the first of the grandchildren to make a great grand baby. ITS ABOUT TIME!!!! hahaha i'm just playing around. Now the question in my family is, who's going to be the next one? Well i've taken my name off of the table, seeing as how i'm alone now, and for awhile. I suppose my guess would be my cousin ashley, whom is jeremy's baby sister. Ashley and i used to be best friends, and we were together or talking 24-7. Until she met steve, now she doesnt talk to anyone, or go anywhere. She moved in with him, she missed my grandmothers funeral for him. She is just pitaful. That also is my uncle wallly's daughter. The one that went fucking PSHYCO! on me! how dare he say one friggin' word about me, he needs to focus on his own family. Um other than those few things, really nothing is new with me. A friend of mine Don just got back from iraq, he's doing well. Havent really gotten to talk to him much though, i've been busy. Lately (the past 2 weeks) i've been having all these preminitions (which according to a friend of mine, makes me weird! OH WELL!) and they all come true with in hours of me saying something about it. I said something about don not calling, boom he calls within an hour. I said something about jeremy and his baby boom 12:35 he calls me. I said something about the tornado and 5 seconds after the sirens went off. Theres a bunch more, but those are the ones that i actually find interesting. My grandfather is doing well, im glad avery made him so happy on that day. He says he went to shrine and everyone yelled and clapped for him, when he said he was a great grandfather. He's been waiting quite awhile for this. And it kept him from being sad, about my grandmother. I guess thats about it, that i wanted to say. I've been feeling really lonely lately, i wish i just had someone here so i wassnt so lonely. At first i was waiting for a friend of mine, but i done gave up. I thought maybe it would fill the void, but they always say that women have a rebound. And to me he is much more than that, and i dont him being classified as such. So i'm waiting it out, course its not exactly by choice i guess. Now i've got a few links that i borrowed (time saver, sorry!) from a site i found, which i will add a link to thier blog as well. But here are some links to some sites about our recent tornado activity.... Good night, and Good Luck... Link Where i borrowed these links: http://springfieldphotos.blogspot.com/2006/03/springfield-il-tornados.html NOAA's National Weather Servicewww.crh.noaa.gov/ilx/?n=mar12torIncludes an overview of radar and other weather observations during the event.From WNNSwww.wnns.com/stormphotos.htmSpringfield Closed road maphttp://www.springfield.il.us/Weather/ClosedRoadsMap.pdfCity of Springfield, IL websitehttp://www.springfield.il.us/WTAX tornado photo galleryhttp://www.wtax.com/galleries.php?gallery_id=127From Rosehttp://community.webshots.com/album/548537069AgPhpFFlickr pool for photos of the Springfield tornados...www.flickr.com/groups/springfieldstorms/pool/From Larrywxguy.livejournal.com/50170.html#cutid1From Dizzee Daizzeewww.dizzeedaizzee.com/index_files/Page598.htmSee what Bloggers have written about the tornado here:search.blogger.com/?ui=blg&q=springfield+%2B+tornadoClick on the link for:7am Severe Weather Coverageto view WGN's tv coverage from this morning.wgntv.trb.com/news/local/morningnews(will probably only be available today)WGN-TV Weather Blog!wgntv.trb.com/news/weather/weblog/wgnweather/Large tornado downstate, microburst herewgntv.trb.com/news/weather/weblog/wgnweather/archives/002774.htmlTwister hits Springfield, ILwgntv.trb.com/news/weather/weblog/wgnweather/archives/002773.htmlFrom CNN - Includes video100 twisters across 5 states'It's just amazing how devastating it is'Tuesday, March 14, 2006; Posted: 11:17 a.m. EST (16:17 GMT)Springfield, Illinois, was hit hard twice in 24 hours, first by a tornado late Sunday and then by strong wind early Monday that blew debris through the city. Windows in the Illinois Capitol were blown out, and even the five-story Illinois Emergency Management Agency building lost part of its roof. (Watch the swath of destruction as residents awake after the storm -- 1:22)cnn.com/2006/WEATHER/03/14/severe.weather.ap/index.htmlFrom our local paper, the State Journal Register...Wind speeds in excess of 120 mphBy JAYETTE BOLINSKI and AMANDA REAVYSTAFF WRITERSPublished Tuesday, March 14, 2006www.sj-r.com/sections/news/stories/81017.aspTrack of destructionTornadoes roared over everything in the wayBy SARAH ANTONACCI,CHRIS YOUNG and DEAN OLSENSTAFF WRITERSPublished Tuesday, March 14, 2006www.sj-r.com/sections/news/stories/81016.aspStorm silences sirensMost become useless after initial front knocks out powerBy CHRIS WETTERICH and JAYETTE BOLINSKI STAFF WRITERSPublished Tuesday, March 14, 2006Springfield Mayor Tim Davlin said Monday that "everything went like clockwork" in the city's response to Sunday's tornado, but questions remain about the effectiveness of the decrepit siren system.www.sj-r.com/sections/news/stories/81018.aspClick here to view what the paper editions looked like this week.www.sj-r.com/frontpages/Check here for breaking newswww.sj-r.com/extras/breaking/index.aspThe State Journal-Register's coverage of the tornados.www.sj-r.com/extras/storm06/WICS.com newswics.com/news/news.shtml#Headline1From the Chicago Tribune...Midwest Assesses Damage After Tornadoeschicagotribune.com/news/weather/sns-ap-severe-weather,1,326908.storySpringfield schools remain closedchicagotribune.com/news/custom/newsroom/chi-060314springfield,1,982194.storyWinds rip through Illinois7 counties ruled disaster areas as storm leaves heavy damagechicagotribune.com/news/local/chi-0603140288mar14,1,6508485.storyFind more at:chicagotribune.com/search/dispatcher.front?Query=springfield&target=articleNot tornado related, except that he was traveling at around or faster than the speed of the tornado winds...Motorcyclist Clocked at 155 Mph JailedAt that point, Livingston Parish sheriff's deputies and Springfield police chased Willis back toward Riley, who made the arrest, he said."He pulled over once he saw all of us, without incident," Riley said. "He just said he didn't think he was going that fast and he didn't know we were behind him. He thought he was only doing 120 or 130."chicagotribune.com/news/showcase/sns-ap-really-speeding,1,108507.storyFrom the Sun TimesTornado rips through parts of IllinoisMarch 14, 2006BY ANN SANNER ASSOCIATED PRESSwww.suntimes.com/output/news/tornado14.htmlLinks from yesterday...http://groups.yahoo.com/group/springfieldillinois/message/1232Photo Gallery: Storm hits Springfield - March 12www.sj-r.com/extras/galleries/viewgallery.asp?gallery=130&Image=1School / work closings listwww.wfmb.com/pages/school.htmlViolent storms hit SpringfieldThe Associated PressPublished March 13, 2006, 9:34 AM CSTchicagotribune.com/news/custom/newsroom/chi-060313springfield,1,195761.storyTornadoes Rip Across Midwest, Killing 10By JOHN O'CONNOR Associated Press WriterPublished March 13, 2006, 10:12 AM CSTSPRINGFIELD, Ill. -- Swarms of tornadoes killed at least 10 peopleacross the Midwest, shut down the University of Kansas and caused somuch damage in Springfield that the mayor compared it to the aftermathof Hurricane Katrina.chicagotribune.com/news/custom/newsroom/sns-ap-severe-weather,1,3976345.storyTornado reported in Springfield; power outFrom Tribune staff and wire reportsTribune staff reporterPublished March 13, 2006, 3:42 AM CSTchicagotribune.com/news/local/chi-060313weather,1,1664777.storyTornadoes Rip Across Midwest, Killing 10cnn.com/2006/WEATHER/03/13/midwest.storms.ap/Update 18: Tornadoes Rip Across Midwest, Killing 10forbes.com/infoimaging/feeds/ap/2006/03/13/ap2590574.htmlTornadoes Rip Across Midwest, Killing 10abcnews.go.com/US/wireStory?id=1718587Tornadoes rip across US midwest (from an Australian newspaper)theadvertiser.news.com.au/common/story_page/0,5936,18459077%255E1702,00.htmlStorms do heavy damage in SpringfieldMarch 13, 2006suntimes.com/output/news/cst-nws-storm13.htmlTornadoes Rip Across Midwest, Killing 10Sample:Even the five-story Illinois Emergency Management Agency building wasdamaged, its roof partly torn off and the top floor flooded, said IEMAspokeswoman Patti Thompson.abcnews.go.com/US/wireStory?id=1718810More news articles here:news.google.com/news?hl=en&ned=us&ie=UTF-8&q=Springfield+%2B+tornadoI hope everyone is okay. Please reply and report what you've seen on the Springfield email list at:http://groups.yahoo.com/group/springfieldillinois/or reply to this post.