I'll see you on the other side!

I had a strange dream last night, it was i guess about my grandmother. Basically the dream was a friend of mine, and i at this hospital working. and then i got called/paged to go to see my grandmother. now in the dream i knew that she was dead, so thats the main thing i cant figure out. anyway so i got to her room, and i saw her, the nurse said this was it. and i knew she wouldnt be there long. i looked at her she was on morphine, and i could see it in her eyes. and she kept like pushing her back up and moving all around like a squirming around in the bed. so i ran up and grabed her hand, and said "I love you so much grandma!" and she said "i love you too". that was when i started crying, and by that point i knew it was a dream and i started to wonder if i was crying in real life, or just dream land. the thing about it is the day she died i've always felt horrible. My mom had said "This could be it" so many times, i stopped believing her. And when it really was it, i was late. I didnt get to say i loved her, i didnt get to say goodbye. I wanted to take her hand and just say i loved her. The day she died this "Angle of death" had given her meds to help her die. Which was NOT okaied by her immidate family, and when their on morphine, it has to be okaied. Plus our (Grandma, mom, and i's) Dr. Richards, checked her file and this wassnt the first time she had done that. So she filed a report, and the nurse quite before it went through. She is in chicago now, so chicago keep an eye on your elderly. Because my grandmother was only supposed to be on I.V.'s and this nurse gave her all kinds of pills. I didnt know until i talked to richards that she wassnt supposed to. And of course my grandfather didnt get an autopsie. which i highly recommend everyone getting, no matter what the drs and nurses say. Even if you think you know what your loved ones died from. Anyway getting back to my story. I did however get to see her the night before, and i actually have a picture of that, its at the bottom of this entry. I just heard today that my cousin through marriage was in a bad motorcycle accident and is in a coma, and has been for 2-3 days. So thats pretty depressing, this over all is a depressing post isnt it? anyway i wanted to share some lyrics with you, these are the two songs i A. want played at my funeral, and B. the only thing that kept me sane when i was in pain, be it from my grandmothers deat, or mark. (After picture caption and notes)
That's me, and the last time i spoke with my grandma. She was so doped up, it really hurt me to even be there. One thing about that night i'll never forget she said, "I just saw a mouse run across the wall". My mother and i stayed there until 10 that night. she kept telling us to go home, and i kept saying yeah lets go. I feel so bad about it, had i known that would be the last time i would have stayed and done so much more. I wish i could just see her again. I was very close to her, in case you dont know that. anyway i gotta go and stop talking about this... i'm so depressed lately though. Maybe if i actually get to go to chicago this sunday i'll be good for awhile. my friend up there always makes me feel happy! heh anyway heres the lyrics, read them thats all i ask. Because some people dont listen to my genre of music, and maybe they should... (not trying to be rude...) Until Next Post: -Jess

"My veins are popin' from this love inside. I just cant let it out.
this pipe and these needles are my only guide,
they've got me on the wrong route,
what is my life about? living' in these shadows of a man I've never seen,
and dreamin' like a lonely child. I know your bothers and your sister,
and your mother too, man I wish you could see them too.
man I wish that you could see them too,
man I wish you could see them too.

so can I come and see ya sometime?
cuz I've been missing' you. I've never heard you cry,
I've never seen you whine, I'm feelin oh so young,
but still I must not get to you. and if I do,
I wonder how just you will see me and duplicate the things I've done.
I'm dying in these shadows of this man I've never seen.
I'll see ya soon, now where's my gun??

let me open your eyes, let me see who you are..
I am you, you are me, we are one, and..
the second coming of Christ sago himself in trouble.

you've got, said lonely. when I will be.
you know you make me so alone, I'm so alone.
and I will pray and I will cry, and will pray and I'll cry,
and I will pray and then I'll cry, and I will pray and then I'll cry...."
-Kid Rock "Lonely"


"Voices, a thousand, thousand voicesWhispering, the time has passed for choicesGolden days are passing over, yeahI can't seem to see you babyAlthough my eyes are open wideBut I know I'll see you once moreWhen I see you, I'll see you on the other sideYes, I'll see you, I'll see you on the other sideLeaving, I hate to see you cryGrieving, I hate to say goodbyeDust and ash forever, yeahThough I know we must be partedAs sure as stars are in the skyI'm gonad see YOU when it comes to gloryAnd I'll see you, I'll see you on the other sideYes I'll see you, I'll see you on the other sideNever thought I'd feel like thisStrange to be alone, yeahBut we'll be togetherCarved in stone, carved in stone, carved in stoneHold me, hold me tight, I'm fallingFar away. Distant voices callingI'm so cold. I need you darling, yeahI was down, but now I'm flyingStraight across the great divideI know you're crying, but I'll stop your cryingWhen I see you, I see you on the other sideYes. I'll see you. See you on the other sideI'm gonad see you. See you on the other sideGod knows I'll see you, see you on the other side, yeahI'll see you. See you on the other sideI'm gonna see you. See you on the other sideGod knows I'll see you, see you on the other side, yeahI wanna see you, yeah, yeah, yeah, see you on the other sideGod knows I'll see you, see you on the other side, yeahI'm gonna see you. See you on the other side"
-Ozzy Osbourne "See you on the other side"