but im not to sure, and im not to proud. uh huh.. if its good...

The title is lrics to a 'better than ezra' lyrics to the song "GOOD" which is an awesome song, that i've wanted for years. Which i found because of one website, which i thank tramendiously! here is the addy: http://www.geocities.com/sunsetstrip/studio/7341/ i recommend if you like any of the 90's alternative rock songs (even if you think you dont you probably do!) check it out! anyway so i finally got the song, and im so excited, i've got it playing now, on the play list is also:
My current Play list:
1- "Just breathe" - Anna Nalick
2- "Good" - better than ezra
3- "A Lifetime" - better than ezra
4- "Desperatly Waiting" - better than ezra
5- "rosealia" - better than ezra
6- "Want you" - Third Eye blind
7- "Deep inside of you" - Third eye blind
8- "Graduation Day" - Third Eye Blind
9- "Pretty Girl" - Sugar Cult
10- "Saying Goodbye" - Sugar Cult
11- "lost in you" - Sugar Cult
12"Memory" - Sugarcult
13 "Far Behind" - Candlebox
14- "You" - Candlebox
15- "Fast Car" - Tracy Chapman

So if havent heard any of those songs, maybe you should check them out? They're all top notce songs! i listen to them everyday!! whether it be in the car, at the computer, on the radio (which never plays what i want to hear).

Anyway so i was thinking, you know how things happen because you did this. Like i met this guy, that knew this certain group, that i met a current friend through, whom liked me and introduced me to his good friend for a date. Confusing i know, but it happened once, and it was amazing. When i left mark, i thought it doesnt matter because i've always got him i can go to. At first he and i didnt really match right back up, compaired to what we were. But then slowly we began to get back to it. And everytime we would talk, he would make me feel bad about saying something. Or make me feel dumb bu being overly opinionated! I dont know why, i still even years later wish i had a time machine. Change what we did on our date or 'outing' whatever we had. incredible, it still was to me, but i wish i had kissed him. Instead i turned myhead, to this day i dont know why. It could have been that i was all doped up from being nervous, and my mouth had become dry (super dry, teeth sticking to lips dry) and i was afraid of bad breath or i didnt want him to think of me badly if i didnt kiss like the big city girls. I never felt i could compair to what he had there. Maybe we had nothing, maybe it was the drugs, maybe i wanted it to be great, so in my mind it was. He tells me that the 3rd time he came down, i was horrible, in bed. But by then the image i wanted which was us to loose our virginties together, was gone. Both of us had lost it shortly after our big fight. I'd like to think it was because he was as miserable without me as i was without him. But some how i doubt it, he's never been as attached to me as i was him. I guess the same goes with my military sweetheart. We wrote abck and forth he tells me now, he loved that i wrote everyday, that i was the only person that wrote just to talk to him. Not to say happy birthday, happy new years, ect. He asked me to marry him the other day. Like april 28th i think, because i believe it was the day of sarahs wedding, or the day after. Anyway marriage scares me, esspecially to him. Its like okay in one had you have someone you've known, you have a good idea of how things are going to work out (course if you know, and your not still with them, its obviously not going to be a good outcome is it? hah) and then in your left hand you have this guy, who seems so great, but you dont know how its going to come out. You dont know if its like he wants to use any means possible to get down your pants. Who knows, i guess maybe i over think things, and act dramaticly. I guess thats just jessie? so go ahead think im weird, think ill of me. Today i dont care. And tomorrow i'll be doped to the gills trying to forget what a fuck up iam, and what things i wish i had done differently. So thats me, thats my thoughts, leave it at that....

~*Jess*~

Note:
This song is touching, and its me to a T. Whether it be fromher point of view, or from the friends. I'm both side, i get the song stuck in my head, but its because of the stupid mistakes i make, that its there in the first palce!! just read it!!

"Just Breahte (2 A.M.)" - Anna Nalick

2 AM and she calls me cause I'm still awake
Can you help me unravel my latest mistake?
I don't love him, winter just wasn't my season.
Yeah we walk through the doors so accusing their eyes
Like they have any right at all to criticize
Hypocrites, you're all here for the very same reason.
Cause you can't jump the track
We're like cars on a cable
and life's like an hourglass glued to the table,
No one can find the rewind button, girl
So cradle your head in your hands.
And breathe, just breathe, whoa breathe, just breathe
May he turned 21 on the base of Fort Bliss
"Just a day," he said down to the flask in his fist
Ain't been sober since maybe October of last year
Here in town you can tell he's been down for awhile
But my God it's so beautiful when the boy smiles
Wanna hold him maybe I'll just sing about it
Cause you can't jump the track
We're like cars on a cable
And life's like an hourglass glued to the table,
No one can find the rewind button, boys
so cradle your head in your hands
And breathe, just breathe, whoa breath just breathe
There's a light at each end of this tunnel
You shout cause you're just as far in as you'll ever be out
And these mistakes you've made
You'll just make them again if you'll only try turnin' around
2 AM and I'm still awake writing this song
If I get it all down on paper it's no longer inside of me
Threatening the life it belongs to.
And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd
Cause these words are my diary screamin' out aloud
And I know that you'll use them however you want to.
But you can't jump the track
We're like cars on a cable
And life's like an hourglass glued to the table,
No one can find the rewind button now
Sing it if you understand, yeah breathe
Just breathe, oh oh breathe, just breathe, oh breathe,
just breathe, oh breathe, just breathe

Top 5's! "Ramblin' man"

Top 5's: (for reasons unknown to me)

Top 5 depressing songs:
1.) Fast car - Tracy Chapman
2.) What hurts the most - rascal flatts
3.) Far behind - Candlebox
4.) Shimmer - Fuel
5.) Break Down Here - Julie Roberts

Top 5 movies:
1.) Girl, Interrupted
2.) Riding in cars with boys
3.) What dreams may come
4.) instinct
5.) high fidelity

Top 5 Artists whom have effected me:
1.) Eric Clapton
2.) The Doors
3.) Tracy Chapman
4.) SugarCult
5.) Candlebox

Top 5 Break - ups:
1.) Mark Zimmerman (which literally could be one through 5 but wont be)
2.) Seth Schackmann
3.)John (For personal/family reasons i can not put his last name)
4.)Jeremy Tuton
5.) Shawn Waters

Top 5 reasons I wanted to leave Springfield:
1.) Stress (directly related to my grandfather)
2.) Mark (Too much to handle)
3.) being lonely (im so sick of being alone and feeling lonely)
4.) Fun (I never really get to have fun, so i wanted to)
5.) Vacation (lately I've felt like im going mental, i need a vacation)

Top 5 reasons i need a man:
1.) unfriendly Fun- i want someone to have fun with, not friend fun, boyfriend fun. The difference being you can get drunk and have sex. You can make out in romantic spots. You can do dates and stuff, things you can not do with a 'Friend'.
2.) Sex- (althought some of this was in ^ still its a main reason!) I need sex, its been awhile, i crave a man, on top of me. how sick is this shit? ha-ha But i need sex, with a man, now...
3.) trips- I'd like to go on a trip, some where, anywhere. Which wouldn't be fun with any of my friends, only fun with a boyfriend. We could go to taylorville, st.louis, chicago, anywhere would be fun with a boyfriend!
4.) Music- I wanna jam out and have fights about who has better taste in music. I want to have an in depth dicusion about this artists compaired to this one. Who else am i gonna do that with? sarah? hell no!
5.) Loneliness- I dont want to be lonely, i wanna cuddle up with a m,an, watch a movie, watch the stars, something, anything... i just dont want to do it alone, or over a telephone!