transfer!

I had to post this post here because my other blog wouldnt post it... sorry!!

If i was some famous musical artists, i'd be over doesed on drugs and be in jail. and maybe have been filmed with a man-slut. ew ya! because my life is lame oh yes'ms.. um lets see my family has saddled me with my grandfather. its like getting knocked up and the dad disapears, i figured that compairison would make it easy for people to understand. its about the same as taking care of a 3 or 4 year old.. literally! anyway don is i dont even know, i dont know where, and i sure as hell dont know what anymore. shawn and i stopped talking a week ago, not mad or anything just been busy i guess, both of us.. umm sarah has been doin her own thing, so its been me... just me.. and i've been thinking what if and i know i talked about this before. but what if mark was it for me? what if thats like IT? and then im screwed? i dont know, its possible.. i dont really want him back, okay lets be frank, basically i probably just want him back because i can have guilt free sex, seriously i've been having weird sex dreams and um i want to sleep with like anyone.. its horrible i feel like a slut... but then i get in my little guilt mood and feel horrible like for example: omg they'd never want me, look what im wearing, look at my fatty-ness... and omg look at my face, i've got a pimple, or something like that.. i just feel alone, and helpless to do anything about it. seriously where do people meet me? i want to go and meet one. and im so not waiting until my birthday because that is like 5 months away. thats when i'll be 21 for you slow people and i can go to the bars, get it? to meet men... okay now that we're on the same page.. um.. i dont know, i want to just have sex with someone i've had sex with already so i am not a slut but i dont think there is anyone i could do it with? okay mark - POS seth-in a relationship John-POS Jon -POS ummm shawn? i dont know maybe.. but would he? i dont know, i feel weird saying something like that.. i think he looks at me like a fat ugly friend of his now.. omg he has some ugly ugly friends though i saw them at the wake.. omg ugly and omg uglier.. woof i was like damn i feel hott hott hott.. and we all know im not not not.. anyway im gonna stop talking about this..i feel depressed stressed and in pain.. apparently i got my monthly the day i went to st.louis horrible!! anyway here is a good ole song that sums up my feelings:
Goodbye to you, my trusted friend.We've known each other since we're nine or ten.Together we climbed hills or trees.Learned of love and ABC's,skinned our hearts and skinned our knees.Goodbye my friend, it's hard to die,when all the birds are singing in the sky,Now that the spring is in the air.Pretty girls are everywhere.When you see them I'll be there.We had joy, we had fun, we had seasons in the sun.But the hills that we climbedwere just seasons out of time.Goodbye, Papa, please pray for me,I was the black sheep of the family.You tried to teach me right from wrong.Too much wine and too much song,wonder how I get along.Goodbye, Papa, it's hard to diewhen all the birds are singing in the sky,Now that the spring is in the air.Little children everywhere.When you see them I'll be there.We had joy, we had fun, we had seasons in the sun.But the wine and the song,like the seasons, all have gone.Goodbye, Michelle, my little one.You gave me love and helped me find the sun.And every time that I was downyou would always come aroundand get my feet back on the ground.Goodbye, Michelle, it's hard to diewhen all the bird are singing in the sky,Now that the spring is in the air.With the flowers ev'rywhere.I whish that we could both be there.We had joy, we had fun, we had seasons in the sun.But the stars we could reachwere just starfishs on the beach



adios people its off to bed i guess!!! other new thing is i got some new movies today.. war of the worlds, king kong, dick and jane, skeleton key, brothers grimm, and ray. all very good movies, and those are on dvd so i can watch them upstairs yay!! and then on vhs i got pauly shore is dead, and sky capitian. so yeah that'll give me something to do.. anyway im out!

-Jess

personal blog address

HERE the personal blog address is:

http://blog.myspace.com/kitcat85

i guess it goes with the post below this one...

chasings shadows

Maybe i'm tired, maybe i've given up on a future. flashbacks keep haunting and taunting me, and so im searching to rekindle what was there. only seeing the good.

holding me that night, saying that i felt so good back there.

sitting next to me, all snuggled up. sometimes i'd watch him sleep, because it was so peaceful.

the bad hurt so bad it made my body ache it made me shake to the very core of being.

and the good wasnt great, but it was good to me.

the addiction was addicted, maybe some days it wasnt as bad as it seemed, but others it hurt. like it was higher up than me, i'll never be needed or loved as much as that.

tonight i guess i went looking for my past, in the streets of springfield. i drove i looked i hurt i left, i gave up. in the end he may have been just around that corner, maybe in the car across the street. some day maybe i wont care, but as for tonight i do. If your asking did i love him this much? I do..

maybe i've never had good, or good long enough to see it. so maybe thats why things seemed so nice. i guess im just alone and im lonely, real depressed lately i can see and identify that at least. anyway i guess it'd just be nice to have someone here to say that everything is going to be alright. and just to have someone to hold me at night. i guess its silly..